A teacher caught a student cheating on his Botany exam and brought him into the principal's office.
"Miss Smith, "asked the principal. "How do you know Johnny was cheating?"
"Because," replied Miss Smith, "I found that he had 7 flowers tucked inside his jacket and a bunch of pollen up his sleeve. This makes me very concerned about tomorrow's exam and what he might use to cheat on that. So I thought I'd better inform you of this now."
A buddy of mine, Mike, had season tickets to the Detroit Lions football Games. Last year they had such a miserable record that he couldn't give away two tickets to a game he wasn't able to attend. While parking at a mall, he decided to leave the tickets under his windshield wiper.
"And that worked?" I asked.
"Not exactly," said Mike. "I returned to find six more tickets to the same Game."
One day there was a boy at school. He needed to go to the toilet. The teacher said "Say your ABCs first" The boy started saying "A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z" The teacher asked at the end "Where is your P?" The boy answered "Running down my pants!!"
Freda is getting worried. Her husband Bernie walked out of their house earlier that day and hasn’t returned. At 9pm she goes to her local police station to report a missing person.
While she’s giving details to the officer in charge, she gives him a photo of Bernie and says,
"When you find him, could you please tell him that my mother didn’t come after all. She decided she would stay the week at my brother’s house instead."