Your 5 Jokes for June 04, 2014: Speed Limit Jokes

Brakes

The police officer: You were exceeding the speed limit, maam, werent you?
The driver: Yes, I was, sir, but you see my brakes are so bad that I wanted to get home before I had an accident.

Your 5 Jokes for June 03, 2014: Bedroom Jokes

Is This Your Home?

In a darkets night, a policeman watches a staggering man trying in vain to unlock a door.

"Is this your home, after all?" the policeman asks.

"Sure, I'll prove it to you if you help me."

Inside, the man explains, "You see, this is my bedroom. And this is my wife."

"And who is the man next to her?" the policem and wants to know.

"That's me!"

Your 5 Jokes for June 02, 2014: Emergency Room Jokes

Bad And Good News

A man answers the telephone, and it's an emergency room doctor.

DOCTOR: Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost both arms and legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life.

MAN: My God! What's the good news?

DOCTOR: I'm kidding. She's dead!

Your 5 Jokes for June 01, 2014: Bus Passenger Jokes

Destination

On a bus going from Ibadan to Lagos, the phone of a girl sitting close to me rang she picks it and said "Honey, I'm in a bus going to Abuja for the burial, I'll call you when I get there".

Another girl's phone rang, she said "Sweetheart I'm on my way to Port-Harcourt for the Masters Degree Form, pls send me Credit for the trip."

Another one's phone rang, she said..."Alhaji, sorry I'm on my way to Owerri for the interview, I'll call you later."

A man who was sitting at the back of the bus suddenly raises his voice in anger "Driver stop please park! Park this bus! Where exactly is this bus going to!!!?"

Your 5 Jokes for May 31, 2014: Petrol Station Jokes

Expensive

The wife said to me "You never take me anywhere expensive anymore."

"Grab your coat."

"Why where are we going?" She asked, evermore excited.

"Petrol station."

Your 5 Jokes for May 30, 2014: Train Station Jokes

No Charge

"Hey, cabby! How much to take me to the station?"

"Five bucks, sir."

"And how much for my suitcase?"

"No charge for the suitcase, sir."

"Okay. Take the case and I'll walk."

Your 5 Jokes for May 29, 2014: Police Dog Jokes

Candidates

The Police are looking for some additional domestic dogs which they want to train as police dogs. They advertise their need on TV and within days, people are bringing in dogs.
But then Joshua brings in his dog and the police officer on duty sees that it is a small Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
"But sir," says the police officer, trying hard not to laugh, "you really think this small dog can be a …..a police dog?"
"Oh yes," replies Joshua, "I thought it could operate as an undercover agent."

Your 5 Jokes for May 28, 2013: Stupidity Jokes

Appendectomy

It's census time and the Levy's haven't yet returned their Census form. So a clerk from the council goes round to their house to remind them to do so. When the door opens, there stands 6 year old Sarah Levy. So the clerk says to her, "Hello little girl, is your father in?"

"No," says Sarah, "he's a doctor and he's carrying out an appendectomy operation at the hospital."

The clerk smiles and says, "Appendectomy - that's a very big word for a little girl. Do you know what it means?"

"Of course I do," replies Sarah, "I'm not stupid. It means £3,500 and it doesn't include the cost of my uncle, the anaesthetist."

Your 5 Jokes for May 27, 2014: Rock Jokes

Glaciers

A lady on her first visit to Yellowstone National Park had a lot of questions for her guide,

“Look at all those big rocks. Wherever did they come from?"

“The glaciers brought them down," said the guide.

“But where are the glaciers?"

“The glaciers," said the guide in a weary voice, “have gone back for more rocks."

Your 5 Jokes for May 26, 2014: Tyre Jokes

Gallant Driver

In the midst of a veritable downpour, a gallant driver saw a woman alone in the mud trying to change a flat tire, and couldn't bear passing her by. He completed the job for her, and, soaked to the skin, exclaimed jovially, "There, little lady, that's done!" "Quiet," she ordered him. "You'll wakeup my husband. He's taking a nap in the back seat."

Syndicate content