Your 5 Jokes for April 25, 2014: Vacationer Jokes

After Vacation

A young doctor went to look at a practice that was up For sale in a very remote part of West Virginia. It Looked perfect with a comfortable house, fully equipped Lab, and lovely gardens. The old doctor even quoted a Very affordable price.

"This looks great," said the young doctor. "I just can't Figure out how you're able to have such a nice set up With so few people to practice on.

"It's just simple, common sense and a strong work ethic," Replied the older medico. "For example, most folks around Here take a couple weeks off for a vacation every year. My wife and I, however, spend the time at home, gardening And putting things in order. Our herb garden gives us a Huge harvest because of that, so we mix the herbs and Boil them up for my secret tonic."

"But that doesn't explain this fine house and all this Land," said the younger man. The elder doc replied, "That's where going that extra Bit pays off. I run into my patients at church, at the Store, whatever, right after they get back from their Vacations. I tell them they don't look too good, and They usually say that their vacation took a lot out of Them." He continued, "I'll agree with them, then invite Them to stop around to my office for some of my old fashioned tonic, and at ten bucks a bottle, it c an add up really fast! Of course, that's just the beginning. A few weeks after a patient buys the tonic, I comment on how much better they're looking, so that they feel like the tonic is working."

"Then I have them stop by the office for a complete physical exam, just to make sure everything is alright.I also tell them to bring in a specimen, and this way I get my bottles back!"

Your 5 Jokes for April 21, 2014: Yuppie Jokes

Drunken Driving

One evening this Columbia Yuppie was stopped for allegedly drunken driving and was given a breath test by the Howard County Police. "Well? " he asked somewhat belligerently as the Desk Sergeant slowly read the print out and entered the information in the arrest record. "Disappointing to say the least," the Sergeant replied. "Chateau Duvalier... 1962... rather thin... not aged well at all."

Your 5 Jokes for April 20, 2014: Accent Jokes

An Italian In The US

One day ima gonna America to bigga hotel.

Inna morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I wanna two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna to piss onna my plate. She say you better no piss onna plate you idiot. I don't even know the lady and she call me idiot.

So I go back to my room inna hotel and there is no shits onna my bed. Call the manager and tella him I wanna shit. He tell me to go to toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna shit onna my bed. He say you better not shit onna bed, you idiot.

I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: 'Peace on you.'

I say piss on you too, you idiot, I gonna back to Italy.

Your 5 Jokes for April 17, 2014: Cake Jokes

Eating Cakes

A man was very hungry, and went to buy cakes at a snack bar. When he finished a cake, he found he hadn't had enough, and so ate a second one. He felt so hungry that after eating six cakes in succession, he still hadn't satisfied his hunger. Not till the seventh cake was eaten up, did he feel satisfied. Then, suddenly, he had a feeling of regret.

"Ah, if I had known this before, I would have eaten the seventh cake first and that would have been enough and there would not have been any need to eat those six others."