5 New Car Jokes

Abstract Thing

"An abstract noun," the teacher said, "is something you can think of, but you can't touch it. Can you give me an example of one?"
"Sure," a teenage boy replied. "My father's new car."


Call Me

Akpos' dad bought a Range Rover Sport Car. Akpos' elder brother struck a deal with Akpos. He told Akpos to call him on phone when nobody is at home so that he'll come and take the car out to show off to his friends. When nobody was at home, Akpos called his brother on the phone, "Hello bros Thambo. Nobody is at home right now. You can come and take daddy's car out." The elder brother replied, "Okay. I'll be home in a jiffy." and rushed back home from where he was. He got home and was shocked to see the gate locked. He called Akpos on phone, "Akpos, I'm now at home to take the car out as planned. Why is the gate locked?" Akpos replied, "Bros Thambo. Were you not the one that told me to call you to come and take the car out when nobody is at home. Mummy and Daddy are not at home. I am not at home too.


Conversation with a Crazy Man

Cal was out driving in the country, seeing how his new car handled the curvy roads at high speeds. As he rounded a corner, one of his tires blew.

When he got out of the car to change the tire, he noticed that he had stopped in front of the state mental asylum. There was also a man sitting on the brick wall in front of the facility.
The driver went about his business, not paying any attention to the guy on the fence. He first took his tire iron and jack out of the car, and got the car jacked up. Then, he removed the hubcap. Next, he removed the six lug nuts, and placed them in the hubcap for safekeeping.

About this time, the guy on the fence decided to start a conversation. This startled the driver, and he reeled around quickly, knocking over the hubcap, and the lug nuts fell into the sewer drain.

The driver gets angry with the guy on the fence, shouting, "Now look what you made me do. Now I'm going to have to walk to town to buy some new lug nuts. Just go back inside and leave me be."
The guy on the fence says, "Why don't you just take one lug nut from each of your other three wheels, and use them on this one. That should hold it steady enough for you to drive the car to the auto parts store."

The driver asks, "That's a brilliant idea...then why are you here?"

The guy on the fence replies, "I'm just crazy, not stupid."


Making A New Car

John was telling his friend how his uncle tried to make a new car for himself…

“So he took wheels from an MG, a radiator from a Spitfire, some panels and bumpers from a TR6…"

“Holy Cow," interrupted his friend, “What did he end up with?"
And John replied, “Two years and probation."


Trouble

A young female stock broker was bored with driving her BMW. It lacked individuality and besides that, every other girl in the office had one. She fancied something a bit more individual, perhaps an MG convertible.

That week she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored and she fell in love with it's gorgeous red paint work. An empty check stub later and off she was tearing down the leafy country lanes enjoying her beautiful new car. Her long hair was flowing in the wind, music blaring from the radio, what could possibly go wrong?

Then at that thought there was a splutter from the engine and the car slowly coasted to a stop. She got out and lifted the bonnet and concluded after a few minutes that she didn't have a bloody clue what was wrong. Luckily she had her mobile phone with her and a quick phone call to the AutoClub and a short wait saw a bright shiny yellow van pull up behind her.

"That's a lovely car," says the mechanic. "What seems to be the matter?"

Well, it just conked out I'm afraid."

"Let me have look." He set to work and ten minutes later the engine was purring like a cat again.

"Thank goodness," she said. "What was the matter ?"

"Simple really, just crap in the carburettor," he replied.

Looking shocked she asked, "Oh, OK. How many times a week do I have to do that?"

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