5 Grocery Store Jokes

At The Checkout Counter

At a grocery checkout counter, my father was sorting through various currencies, searching for US dollars to pay for his purchases.

"Looking at all that foreign money," the cashier said, "I bet you're going overseas."

"I'm an airline pilot," Dad explained. "I frequently fly to the Orient."

"Oooo, a pilot! That must be exciting!"

"Not if you do it right," replied my father."


Candy

As Marjorie left the grocery store, she noticed two little kids, maybe six or seven years old, selling candy bars in front of the store to raise money for their school band.

“I’ll buy a chocolate bar on one condition," she said to the boys. “You eat it for me."

True to her word, Marjorie bought one and handed the candy back to the boy.

He shook his head. “I can’t," he said.

“Why not?"

Looking her directly in the eye, he responded gravely, “I’m not supposed to take candy from strangers."


Heavily Laden Cart

A friend of mine was leaving the grocery store with a clerk in tow pushing her heavily laden cart. After walking to the top of the sloping lot, she realized she had parked on the opposite side of the mall. Extremely embarrassed, she apologized to her puffing helper. "That's okay, lady," he groaned. "The woman I had here yesterday forgot she rode the bus!"


Helping The Lady

Heavily laden with groceries, my aunt asked a young clerk at the grocery store to accompany her to her car. Arriving there, she unlocked and opened the doors and, without thinking, sat down in the back seat to check off her list of errands.

A moment later, the perplexed clerk walked around the car to my aunt.

"Lady," he said firmly, "I don't mind helping you load your groceries, but I really gotta draw the line at driving you home."


Promotion

Bernie was so excited about his promotion to Vice-President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end.

Finally she couldn’t take it any longer, and told him, “Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!"

“Really?" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Bernie boy decided to call the grocery store.

A clerk answered and Bernie said, “May I speak with the Vice-President of peas, please?"
The clerk replied, “Canned or frozen?"

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