Crossing the River A brunette is trying to get across a river and suddenly she spots a blonde on the other side. She yells over to the blonde "Hey, excuse me! How do I get over to the other side?" After a quick survey of the river, the blonde calls back "You ARE on the other side!"
Judgeship A persistent job-seeker once appeared before President Lincoln and demanded an appointment to a judgeship. He was informed that there were no vacancies. The next day, while walking along the river, he saw a drowned man being pulled out, and recognized him as a federal judge. He ran back to the White House and demanded the position. "Sorry," said the President, "but the lawyer who saw that judge fall in beat you here by a good five minutes."
New Names Towards the end of the Second World War, Hungary is occupied by the Soviet army and all streets, squares, institutions are renamed. People who continue to use the old names are arrested and beaten up by the communists. Immediately after the occupation, an old man from a village, visit's the country's capital, Budapest. He gets lost. Not knowing that the streets have been renamed, he ask people for various place names. Old man: "Excuse me, sir, where is the "Heroes' square"? Pedestrian # 1: "No, old man, don't use that name! It's "Stalin Square" now!" Later... Old man: "Excuse me, sir, where is the "Chain Bridge"? Pedestrian # 2: "Oh my God! Don't use the old name of the bridge! It's "Red Army Bridge" now! If you say that once more, you could get into jail, be careful!" The old man gets terrified and takes a walk on the bank of river Danube. He's spotted by a soviet officer who shouts at him with anger. Soviet officer: "'Ay, old komrade! What 'r' ya lookin' at?" Old man: "Nothing! I'm just admiring the Volga!"
The Water Is Fine Two bananas are lying on a river bank when a turd comes floating by. The turd looks over and says, "Hey! Come on in! The water's fine!" One banana turns to the other banana and says, "Do you believe that sh*t?"
What’s The River Called? In Washington State, a little north of Seattle, is a river called the Stillaguamish, but it wasn't always called that. It was originally named "Aguamish" after a local Indian tribe. When Lewis & Clark finally made their way to the west coast they came to the Aguamish tribe and met the chief who told them what the name of the river was and gave them a tour of the area. Years later Merriweather Lewis returned and met the Aguamish chief again and the subject finally came around to the river: "Chief, I've been told that, because of so many white men have arrived in the area, many of the rivers are being renamed because they couldn't pronounce the names. Tell me, what is the name of your river now, please, " Lewis pleaded. "Oh," replied the chief. "It's Stillaguamish."