It was a typically busy day at the bank. After a glance at the line of waiting customers, a harried-looking man came up to the side counter and demanded, "What do I have to do to change the address on my account?" Without missing a beat, the clerk replied, "Move."
A man called the First National Bank asking for some information about bonds. Conversion or redemption? asked the bank clerk. There was a pause. "Pardon me," said the man, "Do I have the First National Bank or the First Presbyterian Church?
The bank clerk reminded the customer that he forgot to dot the "I" in his signature. The customer said, "Can't you do that for me?" The teller replied, "Sorry sir. It must be in the same handwriting."
A robber shoved a note under a bank teller's window which said, "I've got you covered. Hand over all the money in the cage and don't say a word." The teller opened the cash drawer and wrote something down. Then he closed the drawer and returned the note to the robber. On the back he had written, "Kindly go to the next window; I'm on my lunch hour."
The Soviet Bank
During the Soviet era, a customer goes to a bank, announces his intention to deposit 100 rubles, and inquires about how safe the deposits are. The bank clerk telles him that the bank guarantees all deposits, but the customer asks: "What if the bank collapses?" The clerk answers that the central bank also guarantees all local banks and their deposits. The customer persists: but what if the central bank itself collapses? The clerk again replies: "Then the Soviet state guarantees all bank deposits!" Still unconvinced, the customer raises the stakes to the top: "But what if the Soviet state itself disintegrates?" To this, the bank clerk explodes: "Are you telling me that you are not ready to lose the lousy 100 rubles as the price for such a wonderful event as the disappearance of the Soviet Union?!"